HSG is ridiculously moody, and the success of any sort of interaction with him is up to chance. Talk to him in the morning, he might be terse and non-communicative. Later, he might be playful and sociable. Later still, he may be venomous and hurtful. And, once in a while, well, he just might be the chilliest motherfucker you ever did meet. All of these different moods and habits combine to form a sort of collective person, with the general core qualities of wicked playfulness, subversiveness, a love of the non-conventional and a curious mind. Unfortunately, HSG’s reputation precedes him. Due to the nature of his mood, he’s mostly known for being kind of a ridiculous jerk. He would be the first to agree with this assessment, and also the first to disagree, laying a significant portion of the blame onto those who are too sensitive or those who he feels deserve his ire. He hates hypocrisy, loving to point it out in others, yet being strangely silent about his own faults. The irony is not lost on him, and he frequently, but internally, berates himself for it. A strange mix of self-loathing and self-superiority emerge, leading to conflicting feelings about both his own qualities and those around him. HSG’s policy on what he deems acceptable and unacceptable on a given day puts him at a weird position relative to the others. Something as innocuous as loving the trolls over the kids may set him off, but the craziest porn and most disturbing scenarios don’t at all faze him.
On a fundamental level, MSPAF is an incredibly polite, friendly young man who just wants everyone around him to get along. The fact that the fanbase is so split up and antagonistic is incredibly distressing to him. To this end, he thinks the best way to keep everyone happy is to move lockstep with the (perceived) wishes of The Storyteller and His Enforcers. He is always sure to read exactly what is written, and never assume anything more. He will only read fanfiction if it is a canon pairing, and is always sure to make note of even the slightest differences between the fanfiction author’s portrayal and the “true” portrayal. He only buys commissions from artists who have officially contacted The Storyteller, and is mortified by the idea of others not doing the same. While he genuinely believes following all the rules is the only way to friendship, he doesn’t enforce them on anyone. He believes that everyone will come round on their own, and everyone will be happy then. However, he isn’t an absolute boyscout. When nobody else is watching, MSPAF loves Kanaya<3Jade, a non-canon ship involving an unconfirmed sexuality. He believes they’re absolutely adorable, and would make each other very happy. However, he feels incredibly guilty about this, like he’s betraying his beloved Storyteller.
Tumblr is your standard issue whitebread girl, and she cannot fucking stand it. She desperately wants to be some sort of oppressed minority, Were that the case, she would have an “excuse” for her insecurities and so on, something she could “blame.” To that end, she dressed androgynously and occasionally comes up with new and exciting ways of defining her sexuality. She is incredibly politically correct and an activist for pretty much everything, setting herself up as a an accepting type, despite her inherent judgementalness. She is always sure to include trigger warnings for even the most minute elements, and will berate and crusade against even the slightest faux-pas (dropping a “cripple,” for example) from anyone else. Tumblr thinks of herself as the most mature of the group, justifying her own indulgences like shipping and non-canon writings.
Like all the characters, DA has significant identity issues. In her case, she’s an obsessive weeaboo fangirl. In reality, she’s very talented for her age, and could one day surpass Tumblr and become a real artist. Unfortunately, she spends all her time drawing terrible anime art, because her identiy as a weeaboo is all she really has. At her core, she’s a kindhearted romantic, and wants to express herself as such. This manifests as her obsessive crush on HSG, which is rebuffed at every opportunity. The long term effect of such is unknown, but the fact she keeps on seeking affection from such a source is troubling and indicative of some deeper issues.
She looks up to Tumblr like a big sister. She’s so cool and confident, knows exactly who she is, is internet popular, and all that. She wants to BE tumblr, or, at least, the person she believes tumblr to be. But since tumblr will often hammer home how much better she is, this is also emotionally unhealthy.
courtesy of anon
Since we’ve been focusing mostly on the negative, here are some of the positive (though rarely seen) aspects
DA: Innocent and very friendly. Quite talented but her style holds her back
HSG: When he’s not being a complete asshat and antagonizing the other players can be charismatic and intelligent
MSPAF: Well read and quite smart. A genuinely nice guy, he just needs to find his spine.
Tumblr: Is intensely creative and highly social, she simply needs to learn that it’s ok to be yourself, even if it is average-middle class.
HSG: Prince of Rage
Strife specibus: Bombkind; switches to Dildokind upon finding Tumblr’s
Modus: Captcha (must read the code on the back of the card before allowed to access items)
Land: Land of Glass and Rubber
Sprite prototypes: 1. My Little Pony doll, 2. ?
Typing quirk: proper grammar and punctuation, occasionally uses emoticons ironically, sometimes bursts into fits of capslock ragetext; uses >implying when getting into an argument
Bio: Crude, highly perverse; often asks very personal and invasive questions of the others at random times. Loves to provoke Tumblr. Red hair, hoodie? Has the 4chan logo emblazoned on his shirt. 17~18 years old (?).
DA: Maid of Heart
Strife specibus: Sporkkind
Modus: Tagging (all items must be tagged by friends; was easy in the real world but practically useless in the Medium)
Land: Land of Dodge and Burn
Sprite prototypes: 1. dead cat, 2. horrible anime fanart or plushie —> a cat with anime eyes and realistic human lips & hands
Typing quirk: excessive punctuation, emoticons, and Japanese words
Exile: Jail Breaker/Journeying Bandit
Bio: Teenage weeaboo. Constantly tries to show off her fantrolls and horrible fanart to Tumblr and HSG. Though Tumblr will come to her defense when the others make fun of her weight, she doesn’t like DA either. Possibly has an ignored crush on HSG. Has greasy, poorly dyed colourful hair in twintails; wears cat ears or head-band horns and Hot Topic merchandise with the DA logo emblazoned on her shirt. 13~14 years old.
MSPAF: Heir of Time
Strife specibus: Key(gun)kind
Modus: Update (gets a flood of items at one time, but can’t control when)
Land: Stumps and Dismay
Sprite prototypes: Pumpkin and original copy of Whistles
Typing quirk: proper grammar and punctuation
Exile: Problem sleuth/Pastoral Scavenger
Bio: Very quiet, polite kid, if a stickler for rules and authority. Just loves MSPA and wants everyone to get along. Is often forgotten by the others. Wears glasses and MSPA merchandise. Has the MSPA logo emblazoned on his shirt. 15~16 years old (?). Is a hypocrite and will eventually need to work through these issues and learn that Homestuck is not the best thing on the internet. Hates people breaking canon (especially Tumblr and DA)
Tumblr: Thief of Space
Strife specibus: Taserkind
Land: Land of Tears and Frogs
Sprite prototypes: 1. Dildo, 2. ?
Typing quirk: proper grammar, no capitals or terminal punctuation. Also will “like” things and combine words with ! points (like sexist!pig)
Exile: The Bard/Travelling B______
Bio: Middle-class white girl who wants desperately to be an oppressed minority, so she constantly switches sexualities and gender orientations. Is currently a genderqueer pansexual homoromantic. When cornered in an argument, will accuse her opponent of being a bigot regardless of relevance to the topic. Goes God Tier after an accident with a bomb-dildo (alchemised by HSG) on her Quest Bed. Very thin, tall, flat as a board with no curves; short dark hair and glasses. Has the Tumblr “t” emblazoned on her shirt. 16~17 years old.